Who is this document for?
This practice guide is for anyone working working with a child who has been, or may have been, sexually abused.
It is vital for any working with children to support the child’s relationships with their families and friends, especially if statutory agencies are not or no longer involved in the child’s life. Even if those agencies are involved, do not assume that supporting the child’s relationships with their family and friends is someone else’s responsibility.
How might the child’s relationships with family and friends be affected by the abuse?
Sexual abuse can profoundly affect a child’s ability to trust and connect with others. Many children experience betrayal by adults, including non abusing parents, and may feel isolated from peers. Family members are often dealing with their own shock, guilt and distress, which can affect how they relate to one another.
In some situations, such as sibling sexual harm, families may experience torn loyalties, denial, blame and intense emotional conflict. The person who harmed the child may also have consciously undermined relationships through grooming, secrecy, threats or manipulation of parents.
Children’s reflections illustrate the impact clearly.
“I was scared of what people were going to start saying to me, it was like I isolated myself … like my friends, they were there for me but it felt like they didn’t know me no more.”
“Your family’s stressed and starting to fall apart and you feel like it’s your fault … you want to leave home or self harm but then that can be used against you because you don’t want to be seen as mentally unstable in the court.”
“I think the majority, most parents who find out that their child’s been abused – extreme guilt, even if it wasn’t their fault … I know from my own experience, my mum carries a lot of guilt for stuff that happened to me. She wasn’t there. She didn’t know. But definitely that’s something that’s hard for me, knowing that [mum] feels so guilty and blames herself. So definitely [you need] support for the family as well, 100%, especially the parents.”
“They were really good, the friends that stuck by me. There was one girl – I don’t know how she put up with me… I could scream at her, shout at her, cry at her, laugh at her and she’d still be there. She wouldn’t say much but she’d sit there and she’d listen to me.”
How can you best help the child in their family relationships?
Professionals can play a key role in ensuring the child and their family receive the relationship support they need.
Families’ needs vary widely and should be explored through conversations with both the child and the parents. Consider how faith, culture, language, disability or learning needs may shape relationships and responses to abuse. Some parents may fear shame, ostracism or harm within their community if they act to protect their child, and may need support to work through these fears.
Parents may struggle to accept the reality of abuse, and denial can be a normal response to an overwhelming situation. Many parents carry intense guilt, even when they are not at fault.
Professionals can support parents by helping them process their emotions and by reinforcing clear, consistent messages about how to support their child, including:
- Believing the child and taking them seriously.
- Reassuring the child that the abuse was not their fault.
- Letting the child know they are on their side.
- Listening calmly and avoiding intrusive questions.
- Children are more likely to talk when they feel believed and see parents responding calmly and predictably.
Rebuilding family relationships after sexual abuse usually involves small, consistent actions over time rather than one off interventions.
Helpful approaches include:
- creating shared safety rules.
- responding to behaviour with calm, consistent boundaries.
- building trust through routines and reliability.
- using clear, non‑judgemental language to reduce shame.
- supporting siblings with individual attention.
- encouraging low‑pressure ways to connect as a family.
- normalising setbacks as part of recovery, not failure.
- specialist support, such as family therapy, to help rebuild trust and communication.
- Children may need help preparing for possible reactions from friends, including disbelief, gossip or parents being told. They may also benefit from simple scripts to express what they need or to change the subject when they do not want to talk.
- Children describe needing care and selectivity when disclosing:
“You’ve got to be selective about who you tell because if you tell someone and they spread it around the school or you tell someone and they don’t accept it, you’re then put in a worse state than what you were.”
- Professionals can also support children to plan for social media challenges, school relationships and how to explain absences or emotional reactions.