This summary guide explains what to do if you have informed by a third party that a child has said they are being, have been or are at risk of being sexually abused.
You may be a teacher, youth worker, sports coach, social worker or health visitor, for example, who knows (or knows of) the child in your professional role.
The context
Many children find it hard to tell someone that they are being sexually abused, or are not responded to effectively when they try to do so. If a child does tell, they typically choose to tell a family member or a friend. That individual may pass this information on to you directly, or via someone else – for example, the child may tell a friend, who then confides in their parent, who then contacts you.
The individual sharing the information with you, whether they are an adult or a child, probably expects you to act on it.
If someone tells you they have concerns that a child may be being sexually abused, but the child has not told them anything, please read our summary guide When you have concerns that a child is being or has been sexually abused.
How may the abused child be feeling?
If a child had told someone they are being sexually abused, they are likely to be feeling mixed emotions.
- They may feel relieved the abuse is no longer a secret.
- If abuse is ongoing, they may hope action will be taken to stop it.
- They may feel anxious about the consequences of having told someone – especially if they have been threatened by and fear repercussions from the person abusing them.
For these reasons, they may have asked the person they told to keep the information confidential.
Some children may share information about what is happening to them without realising that it amounts to sexual abuse.
“If you tell someone, it’s like relieving – because … they know that you’ve been through a bad time and that they’re going to help you – because that’s what my friend said – that, she were going to help me and she did. I asked her not to tell anybody and she did actually do that but then – she was a bit worried and … she said that I needed to tell my mum, so I went and I told my mum.”
“My mum finally came up to me … and she said, like, ‘What’s going on?’ Then she finally asked the question, ‘Is things happening?’ I just nodded. Then one thing led to another and then here I am now.”
“I was at my auntie’s house and then I just started crying, crying, crying … the tears were just coming.”
“I told my mom. She just about had a heart attack. I decided to tell because my sister was starting to be abused by him too.”
For the sources of the quotations above, please download our full guide to this stage of the Response Pathway.
How can you best help the abused child and the individual who has spoken to you?
When an individual – whether they are an adult or a child – tells you about child sexual abuse concerns, write down what they tell you in as much detail as possible, using their own words (and, where possible, their recollections of the child’s own words). However incomplete the information may be, you must treat it as a serious concern.
- Discuss next steps with the individual who told you. It will be necessary for someone to try to gather more information from the child about what is happening or has happened, and to tell them what will happen next.
- Tell the individual that you will need to pass on the information they have given you to people who can give the child the support they need and (if the abuse is ongoing) can protect the child and others from further harm. Reassure them that you will ensure that appropriate action is taken, and afterwards keep them updated on what steps you have taken, bearing in mind that confidentiality may prevent you from sharing some details.
- Be clear to the individual that they can come back to you whenever they need to, and tell them who to approach if you are not available. For example, you may advise them to contact safeguarding authorities themselves.
- Check whether the individual is worried about their own safety, especially if they too are a child, and consider how you can ensure that they receive support themselves.
- Discuss the concerns with your safeguarding lead and decide whether a referral should be made to children’s social care following your local arrangements. Remember that any practitioner who has concerns about a child’s welfare should make a referral to children’s social care.
- If the child is at risk of immediate harm, contact the police.
- What else you can do to protect the child will depend on your role. For example, if you work in a school and the child has said it is another child at the school who is harming them, you can arrange to limit contact between them.
- Consider whether action is needed to protect other members of the child’s family, particularly siblings, and what your role in this might be (or who you need to talk to).
- Make sure that the only people who are aware of the situation are those who need to know about it in order to protect and safeguard the child.
- Consider how you can ensure the child receives appropriate emotional support, whatever their age – our summary guide Supporting the child’s emotional health and wellbeing can help.
- Our summary guides can also help you to support the child’s education, their relationships with family and friends, and their physical health and wellbeing – including by contacting your local sexual assault referral centre (SARC), which can provide specialist support, advice and medical care in a child-friendly environment.
External links
If a child tells you about abuse [Lucy Faithfull Foundation]
Find help: free, confidential youth advice and counselling services [Youth Access]