This summary guide explains what to do if you have observed or learned something that leads you to suspect that a child is being or has been sexually abused, in situations where the child has not verbally reported abuse.
It is aimed at all practitioners whose work brings them into contact with children, such as youth workers, staff in schools/colleges and early years settings, playworkers, medical professionals, sports coaches, social workers and health visitors.
The context
Many children who experience sexual abuse do not tell anyone at the time. Concerns may arise because:
- a child has hinted at something
- you have noticed behavioural, emotional or physical signs
- you have observed concerning behaviour by someone around the child
- information in case notes or reports has raised concerns
- another practitioner or individual has shared concerns with you.
Many cases of child sexual abuse come to light only because a practitioner raises concerns. You may not be the first person to worry about a child, but you can be the first to act.
This guide focuses on understanding the child’s experience and how you can help.
How may the child be feeling?
Children face many barriers to telling someone about sexual abuse. They may:
- feel frightened about the consequences or threats they have received
- feel ashamed or embarrassed
- be influenced by family loyalties or cultural taboos
- have communication difficulties or additional needs
- find it harder to tell anyone if the abuse involves another child, including a sibling
- think they won’t be believed
- not recognise what is happening as abuse.
Children often want someone to notice something is wrong and ask them directly.
“My college tutor … was absolutely amazing. He noticed something was wrong, I don’t know how because he didn’t really know me.”
“What I needed at that particular time was somebody who was sensitive enough to see that this was a vulnerable person here. The issue was actually not about the anger and the aggression, or the violence, it’s actually about somebody who was actually crying out for help.”
“I think that sometimes people slip through the net, because they are very good at hiding, and they don’t always show what they really feel about things so I think, sometimes too many people get missed … Sometimes it’s right under people’s noses and they just don’t recognise it.”
“I never went and asked for help, but no one ever asked me if I needed help.”
For the sources of the quotations above, please download our full guide to this stage of the Response Pathway.
Some children who are groomed or exploited may initially believe they are in a ‘relationship’. Others may not realise what is happening is wrong, particularly if they are young, have additional needs, or have been groomed.
You might be the first person to notice – or the first to take action. Where there are signs or indicators of sexual abuse, the child may still be at risk even if they have not told anyone. The child’s safety and welfare are paramount.
How can you best help the child?
You can use our Signs and Indicators template to record behavioural and physical signs displayed by the child, potential signs of sexually abusive behaviour in others, and family/environmental factors that may increase risk This helps build a picture over time and supports safeguarding action.
Be aware that:
- signs of sexual abuse may be mistaken for other issues
- children often experience multiple forms of harm
- sexual abuse can be overlooked, especially where a child has other known difficulties or disabilities
Discuss concerns with your safeguarding lead and relevant professionals.
There must be a conversation with the child as soon as possible.
If possible, consider how and where you will speak to the child. For example, choose a private and safe space, and consider the child’s background, communication needs and development beforehand.
The focus should be on understanding what is happening and ensuring safety, not investigation.
Opening the conversation – Use gentle, open approaches such as:
- “I have noticed…”
- “Help me understand…”
- “If you want to talk to me, I am here to listen.”
Avoid pressure. The child may not respond straight away.
Responding – If the child confirms abuse:
- reassure them they have been heard and taken seriously
- explain that you will need to share information to help keep them safe
- stay calm and non‑judgemental
- do not ask why they did not tell anyone sooner
- do not ask them to repeat their account.
Ending the conversation – Don’t expect the child to tell you everything in the first conversation, but:
- reassure them they are not in trouble
- explain next steps clearly and honestly
- avoid making promises you cannot keep
- keep the door open for further conversations.
If the child does not want to talk to you, or does not say anything about being abused during your conversation, you should still act on your concerns. You should not wait for the child to tell you something before taking action.
The protective action you can take depends on your role, but may include limiting contact with a person of concern and considering the safety of the child’s siblings and other children.
If you and your safeguarding lead think the child is being or has been sexually abused, a referral should be made to children’s social care, following your local arrangements. You may feel that you have only a partial idea of what is happening or has happened, but other people may also have made referrals, enabling children’s social care to build a detailed picture.
The child’s parents should usually be informed unless this would place the child at risk.
If you are concerned that the child is suffering significant harm or is at risk of it:
- make an immediate referral to children’s social care
- contact the police if there is immediate danger
- do not wait for the child to tell you verbally that they have been sexually abused.
Make sure that the only people who are aware of the situation are those who need to know about it in order to safeguard the child. Let the child know what you have done, whom you have told (and not told), what you have told them, and what is happening now.
Think about the child’s need for emotional support, whatever their age.
- It’s OK to talk to the child about how they are feeling, but asking too many questions and probing the details of the abuse is not helpful. Let the child tell you what they are comfortable with.
- Make sure they know they can access specialist services, and how.
- Take whatever steps you can to ensure that emotional support is available to the child when they want and need it – our summary guide Supporting the child’s emotional health and wellbeing can help.
- Consider whether you are in a position to support the child in telling their non‑abusing parent(s) about the abuse, if they have bot already done so, and to support the parent(s) in coming to terms with it – not least so that they in turn can support their child.
Our summary guides can also help you to support the child’s education, their relationships with family and friends, and their physical health and wellbeing – including by contacting your local sexual assault referral centre (SARC), which can provide specialist support, advice and medical care in a child-friendly environment.