This summary guide lists some common impacts of sexual abuse on children’s relationships, and explains what any practitioner working with a child who has been, or may have been, sexually abused, can say and do to support the child.
It is vital for all practitioners around the child to support the child’s relationships with their families and friends, especially if statutory agencies are not currently involved in the child’s life. Even if those agencies are involved, do not assume that supporting the child’s relationships with their family and friends is someone else’s responsibility.
How might the child’s relationships with family and friends be affected by the abuse?
Sexual abuse can profoundly affect a child’s ability to trust and connect with others. Many children feel betrayed by the adults around them, including their non‑abusing parent(s), and may feel isolated from peers. Family members are often dealing with their own shock, guilt and distress, which can affect how they relate to one another. The person who harmed the child may also have consciously undermined relationships through grooming, secrecy, threats or manipulation of family members.
In some situations, such as sibling sexual harm, families may experience torn loyalties, denial, blame and intense emotional conflict.
“I was scared of what people were going to start saying to me, it was like I isolated myself … like my friends, they were there for me but it felt like they didn’t know me no more.”
“Your family’s stressed and starting to fall apart and you feel like it’s your fault … you want to leave home or self harm but then that can be used against you because you don’t want to be seen as mentally unstable in the court.”
“I think the majority, most parents who find out that their child’s been abused – extreme guilt, even if it wasn’t their fault … I know from my own experience, my mum carries a lot of guilt for stuff that happened to me. She wasn’t there. She didn’t know. But definitely that’s something that’s hard for me, knowing that [mum] feels so guilty and blames herself. So definitely [you need] support for the family as well, 100%, especially the parents.”
“They were really good, the friends that stuck by me. There was one girl – I don’t know how she put up with me… I could scream at her, shout at her, cry at her, laugh at her and she’d still be there. She wouldn’t say much but she’d sit there and she’d listen to me.”
“You’ve got to be selective about who you tell because if you tell someone and they spread it around the school or you tell someone and they don’t accept it, you’re then put in a worse state than what you were.”
For the sources of the quotations above, please download our full guide to this aspect of the Response Pathway.
How can you best help the child in their family relationships?
Whatever your role in relation to the child and family, you can play a key role in ensuring they receive the relationship support they need.
Families’ needs vary widely and should be explored through conversations with both the child and the parents. Consider how their faith, culture and language, and any disability or learning needs, may shape their relationships and responses to abuse. Some parents may fear shame, ostracism or harm within their community if they act to protect their child, and may need support to work through these fears.
The child’s non-abusing parent(s) may struggle to accept the reality of sexual abuse, and denial can be a normal response to an overwhelming situation. Many parents carry intense guilt, even when they are not at fault.
You can support the non-abusing parent(s) by helping them process their emotions and by reinforcing clear, consistent messages about how to support their child. Encourage the parent(s) to:
- believe the child and take them seriously
- reassure the child that the abuse was not their fault
- let the child know they are on their side
- listen calmly and avoid intrusive questions
Children are more likely to talk when they feel believed and see parents responding calmly and predictably.
Rebuilding family relationships after sexual abuse usually involves small, consistent actions over time rather than one‑off interventions. Helpful approaches include:
- creating shared safety rules
- responding to behaviour with calm, consistent boundaries
- building trust through routines and reliability
- using clear, non‑judgemental language to reduce shame
- supporting the abused child’s siblings with individual attention
- encouraging low‑pressure ways to connect as a family
- normalising setbacks as part of recovery, not failure
Families may benefit from specialist support, such as family therapy, to help rebuild trust and communication.
- Peer groups are often a crucial source of support, particularly for older children. You can help the child think about whether, when and how to tell friends about the abuse, while reinforcing that it is always the child’s choice not to tell them anything.
- Help the child to prepare for possible reactions from their friends, including disbelief, gossip or the friends’ parents finding out. They may also benefit from simple scripts to express what they need from their friends, or to change the subject when they do not want to talk.
- Support the child to manage their online and offline social interactions, and how to explain school absences or emotional reactions to things.
External links
How to find a therapist [Association for Family Therapy and Systemic Practice]
Find help – free, confidential youth advice and counselling services [Youth Access]